So after being to absolutely terrified of coming home, I got off the plane and into my friends car, I watched the countryside stream past the windows, the rolling hills, the cottages and red brick houses, I felt the fresh coldness of the British winter and I felt peace.
I have spent the last few days taking it all in, I have watched the familiar scenery roll by, felt the biting, cool breeze and the slippery underfoot ice, I’ve listened to some of the well known UK accents and consumed some local food and teas, I have smelled the freshness of the Cornish sea breeze and I have felt relief and relaxed as I adjusted my body clock and am connecting once again with friends and family.
The thing is, now I have taken it all in, it feels like I never even left. It seems as if the last 7 months were just a dream and I never even left this life. Its quite disconcerting and has me getting wanderlust already. Today was my first day back at work, and I am incredibly grateful they heard I was returning and asked me to come back, but also its scary how easy it is to fit back in to the exact same life I had!
This is not the plan, not that I ever have a plan but this isn’t how I want life to go. I wanted change, I wanted to start a new life not jump back into the old one as soon as things get sticky. I know I need money urgently and whilst I’m doing nothing else it makes sense to do what is offered, and I am grateful, but I’m also scared I will lose my drive in the familiar monotony.
Already I have been online ordering stuff…stuff I don’t need, materialistic possessions! Its like as soon as I got back I feel the need to own things again, this isn’t who I have become and I think its going to take some very special efforts not to fall back to being my old self. I will not allow the last 7 months to be in vain. Every lesson I had to learn, all the heartaches and failures as well as the adventures and realizations, I faced a lot of situations and conquered them, I grew, I evolved and now…what am I doing??
I really need to get a plan and make some serious effort to remember my path. I am above monotony and settling, I don’t want contentment and security, I choose life and adventure, experience and growth! So I have forced myself to get away from the dreaded TV, get into my space, write a blog, do my first proper workout in just over a week and actively make effort to be the new Kirst.
My aim over the next week is to make my big decision as to the possible yoga course I would like to do, to book my trip to the course in Ireland I am doing and to make plans for after this. They may change but I need a basic idea, a get out free card from the prison that is regular life. I am not ready to settle just yet, Its not time for me to be here for long. I will also ensure to be back on track with my workouts, today’s was awful, get my diet completely in check and to get back to my blog as well as ensuring I make plans to actually do things whilst home, make sure I have some adventures even here, just because I am home for a time, doesn’t mean the adventuring has to stop!
I shall endevoour to make the most of Cornwall, my loved ones and having a home, a real place I can relax, at the same time makin sure I will be leaving it again soon.