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I haven’t written a blog in quite some time. Not because I have had nothing going on, more the opposite in fact. I have had so much going through my mind it has been impossible to get it out in a sensical manner. I am still not quite able to discern where one article should end and another issue begin but I shall get something out over the next few days…
I am currently in Ireland studying Taoism (yes including the jade egg), I’ve gone blonde, yogad my little heart out, surprised myself with kettlebell progress and…shh, dont scare them away…I have biceps, so I really do have some interesting bits to get out there before heading to India at the end of the month. I hereby promise to get my brain In order and share my most exceptional experiences of this course and my more personal trials and revelations…
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I was at the house of a local elderly lady this week, cleaning and providing company and as I was watching her prepare her breakfast I was suddenly struck with how patient and slowly she performs her routine.
I will just add here, its a lady I have known since being a child, almost like an adopted nanna to me now, hence the going round to help her out once a week.
Anyway, I was watching as she slowly laid the table, popped out the pills, even took the effort to close up every pill pack and ensure the leaflet goes back in each pack, the way she slowly spreads the peanut butter on the bread, so even, so surely, so precise. I took in the fact that she always gets out a saucer for the tea cups, always place mats for every item on the table. No corners are…
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OK so my last post was quite some time ago, as you will see, my dears, I have been stuck I this crazy train of a life for a while and have been unable to gather thoughts of any sense. I have been but a shadow of my self and am only now getting down to deciding who that shadow is again!
So August was my last entry, I was attempting to ‘win’ at this Philippine life, keep my head above water and, well, I lost!
After months, there was still no working visa, and no work even if it were to finally appear, The humidity and heat were making my boyfriend and I agitated, annoyed (ad annoying) and money issues were stressing the situation further, you can imagine we, naturally started adding relationship issues to the negativity that was our life!
We hadn’t managed to find places to go for peace, fun, interest…nothing! We were stuck, just the two of us and this big negative wedge!
In September we had a holiday to Vegas and upon leaving the Philippines, the feeling of a weight being lifted was immense! I immediately felt lighter, happier, and more like myself. As did the fella seemingly. We enjoyed our time and the whole thing really brought home how we can’t continue in this ‘life’ we had made. We agreed it was time to move on, brilliant!
That being said, we had slightly different paths, he wanted specific plans, I couldn’t afford, I wanted to go via the helpx route and we compromised, decided we were worth a shot at being together away from this place that had become a nightmare.
So I came to Australia, he to India and he was due to meet me here…Although time apart also gave us perspective on us. Although we care and had happy times ad could(and I believe will again one day) have more, we both needed to do some soul searching.
Sort out these issues we developed I ourselves but also with each other, we had bred the negativity so long the resentment and difficulties were too hard to ignore.
So sadly we have reduced our relationship. There is no label now but being free of that is good. This time should bring us back to being good people, versions of ourselves we like and are happy to be whilst getting to know each other again…new and improved versions and the who knows….
Maybe we will have experiences which will give us distance ad perspective enough to remember why we fell for each other and push us back together, I’d like to think so but, who knows, until we get that perspective from where we are now….
For now there has been a lot of change and revelations and just getting to grips with those is enough to be getting on with.
Time for some self discovery, I am after all doing this amazing thing called travel and doing it alone is both terrifying and exciting. One thing I know for sure is that I shall never be the same woman again!
So take that holiday, get that trip away booked, and take a moment to assess your life! Its so easy to get bogged down and trapped but you will ever be able to be truly happy unless you have been able to get a clear view….a bit of perspective and decide if your really living the life you want to. Don’t live in the shadows, be sure to have life in your years, colour in your dreams and character to your person!