Tag Archives: annoyane

People…How well do we really know those closest to us?

I’m currently sitting on a coach on a 14 hour journey. I have been watching some TV series I downloaded with these friends, they are going through some intense stuff together and apart, from the viewers vantage point I can see who’s lying to who and for what reasons. I know Its not real, but it gets me to thinking how well do we really know those closest to us, how well do we know their intentions? How much do we taint, in our heads, to make situations more to our advantage? do we ignore signs to the truth? Do we lie to each other to protect them or ourselves? Or do we lie out of fear, or an inability to accept the truth? Are we all as lost as each other, and instead of being truthful and honest we are only keeping each other in the dark? Are any of us truly honest, with others or with ourselves?

Of course TV accentuates situations and people but when I look around me, really think about the people in my life, experiences in the past when things are revealed and I can’t help but wonder.

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There are people in my life whom I wonder about sometimes. All sorts of people, and I wonder what I mean to them, how much is real and how much is tolerance, how much is people keeping up appearances because its just how society tells us to behave… But I also wonder about my reactions to people, my tolerances. How many people do I truly relate to and want to know and how many do I just allow to stay in my life, never really caring enough to put much into the connection but feeling its rude to just cut them out, or maybe I don’t want to hurt people, or maybe its just that there’s no reason not to have them around so they stay.

Surely with life being a thing so short on time and precious, we should at least value it enough not to want to waste that time and energy, ours or anyone else’s. Should we not be more selective about how we spend our time and energies? What connections are worth nurturing and which have no future. Should we not spend time knowing ourselves and ensuring we are honest and true to our feelings and expectations towards people, in turn making it easier for them to understand and read where they stand as well?

The time I have spent trying to analyse what I mean to people, if anything. Are they worth the energies, or are they a waste of my time. I remember times in my own life when I have pushed away good people and lost great connections through confusion or immaturity and there are times I should have been more honest and ruthless with people, cruel to be kind and all that.

Why is it such a confusing matter, its one of life’s great woes. People, relationships, friendships. How do we get it right? We are all chasing the dream of having those perfect relationships, the partner with whom to spend our life, the friendships to endure lifetimes even the dynamics of work relationships are difficult to navigate, its like everybody’s playing some big game if poker, keeping their cards close to their chests, a lot of the time were not even sure if we have a winning hand ourselves yet so we bluff and bet our way through. But there are very few winners in poker.

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Surely there is an easier way? After thousands of years of evolution, I can’t help but think it so backwards that we are not more apt at connecting. Are we teaching our children the same poker tricks and faces and preventing evolution in this or is the lack of real connection evolution in itself? Is the future a place where its every man for himself, where people are as dispensable as a car, a home or a job. Will there be an end to truly deep connections?
This sounds like a very sad future indeed.

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Filed under emotions, friendss, games, people, relationships

My Snowy Snowdon experience!

After finally arriving home just a few weeks ago, I haven’t had the chance to trek much, in fact not at all and I hadn’t done much trekking really since spring last year. As you can imagine my experience with Snowdon was hard and I was not prepared!

First off we had to park further down the valley as all the damn people were in the way! Fools! So we parked and started walking, It was damn hard but the sun was shining and it was real warm. Vest tops ahoy I fact. The initial hour or two was actually nice.

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The third hour brought the best views and the beginning of the realization I may have bitten off more than I could easily chew.

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By the end of the third hour it was so very cold and getting quite misty, I was tired, teasy and I imagine, not very good company at all! The talking stopped and I just had to get the head down.
The last hour up was very hard, lots of snow, lots of wind, lots of incline and by the time we reached the top I was so over the whole experience.

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Looking back its funny, I was ready to strop for England!

The decent was initially fun, very deep and steep snowy mountain meant lots of fun slipping and sliding down, although this did cause me big knee issues and I was in a hell of a lot of pain on the decent.

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We arrived at the car just after dark, 6 and a half hours of trekking and I was done. Had my full blown quasimodo walk going down, my determined, stroppy aggressive face on and a shroud of aggressive air surrounding me.

It took about an hour before I actually smiled at the though of what I had done and that actually there were fun parts. The lesson to learn here though is not to be a cocky bastard and assume I can just tackle anything without being properly prepared. Just because I did a lot of trekking before, doesn’t mean I can just jump In and safely do anything now.

I must get out trekking again, I did not like feeling so weak and pathetic!

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Filed under adventure, body, challenge, fitness, mountain, trekking

Fighting the UK version of myself…

Since returning from travel, its like I’m a different person, all the changes I made to improve myself are slipping away again, I am regressing!

Whilst away travelling, I had no access to a TV, I had internet but only in specific areas and had interesting tasks so limited my time with them. When I did use the computer it was often for writing blogs, researching fitness techniques, networking or talking to loved ones.

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Upon my return I find myself getting sucked into the TV, not even watching anything specific. Watching my dad flick through channels, watching mindless programs of people falling over, or tacky sitcoms. I find myself sat on the internet, watching videos of cats, following menial conversations, trawling facebooks pages and posts and I even find myself taking time out to talk to people I’m not even bothered about being friends with, feeling like I must talk and be polite because they live near me…Um…why?

Why spend time having conversations you don’t want t have with people who don’t interest you, people with whom you have nothing in common? Why sit in front of the box watching people you don’t know live lives that aren’t real, why follow pointless ‘entertainment’ on facebook??
Is this our culture? Is this what it means to be British? Is this our go to response, particularly to winter? Too batten down the hatches and waste time until Summer once again arrives, and by Summer I mean those 2 weeks or so a year when its not rainy or cold.

Whilst away I managed to eat better, workout more often and with better progress, I learned more, I improved myself and now I feel it slipping away! This is not who I am, this is not who I am going to be!

I guess I figured I was deep enough into this new me to be able to keep it up but I was wrong, I am struggling but have ideas. I refuse to give in to monotonous old Kirst and this is how:

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Every time I turn on the computer, I endeavour to write a blog, this will often mean using my internet time more wisely to research a topic, it will mean engaging my brain every day!

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Each time a conversation starts, I will not reply on auto pilot…I will make the decision with regards to the person, are they someone I value, someone I can help, or someone with whom conversation is actually desirable? If not, I won’t engage, I refuse to bow down to social convention where we must reply just because its good manners, I realize this is probably a very British thing, being polite, well mannered and doing what is expected, well not any more.

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I am going to write goals in my daily journal, short and long-term and I am going to refer to them at the beginning of each day and ensure to plan my days with those goals in mind. These goals may be to do certain workouts, research workout, work or future options, to take time out to learn something new, practise my clubs, get creative, help my Dad with his renovating the games room or simply by taking out an hour to read, or meditate.

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Which brings me to my next point. I WILL meditate every day!! Whether its 5 minutes or 30 minutes, I will use my goal system to ensure to introduce workouts back into each day, starting with my morning Tibetan rights EVERY DAY. Making sure to do proper workouts, yoga and mobility. Within the month I aim to be back to practising Tibetan rights every morning and getting back onto my 4 day workout schedule, days 1 and 2 hard weight training, day 3 yoga and day 4 mobility, each one with a meditation session at the end.

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I will go back to making food plans, shop using lists from these plans and stick to them.  No more spontaneous eating as, when and what is there at the time.

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Lastly I will start making decisions again, it is time to stop wasting time wondering what my future will hold and start making that future happen. Every day I will do at least one thing towards that, whether its researching into jobs abroad, visas, and booking trips, or taking time out to stop and really thing through options and make decision and more importantly to stick to that decision. That’s not to say I can;t change my mind if circumstances change, we must be adaptable after all but it means no second guessing, I must trust myself. I am almost 30 and very capable of knowing what is right for me if I just stop faffing and trust in myself.

So there we have it, I will no doubt blog progress and developments as I go, if anyone has any ways they ensure not to let life pass by, or has the same issues, you are welcome to share, maybe we can help each other?

Its time to turn off the TV and turn on life!!

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Filed under 5 tibetan rights, battle, change, culture, development, life, Self discovery

Kirst Vs Mosquito’s….Part one!

Mosquitos….Those sly little buggers just LOVE a taste of Kirst, always have, ever since i was small ive been feasted upon and aggrivated…I’d say outright singled out and bullied!

They forced me into outright war ove the last 9 weeks of living out in the Philippines, there have been many battles won and lost by both sides but STILL overall those little assbags are winning!

This is our battle so far:  MosquitosBloodEditThumb2

Them: Lets wait by her door and feast!

Me:  I shall repellant up very time i go out…

Them: OK, were going to have to venture in, its time to invade

Me: Here is the intense incense repellant…get out!

Them:  Fight it guys lets get through this and get her

Me: Fine, Things just got personal… here is the electric fly swatter…fry, FRYYYYYY!

Them: OK guys lets regroup and start some basic avoidance maneuvers, we’ll still get her, dont give up the sweet sweet Kirst nectar!

Me:  Fine i shall wear repellant all day and night, i will stink to high heaven!

Them: You forgot the soles of your feet

SOLES OF MY FEET GODDAMN!

I need to rethink this…Im losing the battle!  I even woke up both myself and my boyfriend the other night vigorously scrathing my ankle against him in my sleep, like literally just reached it over and started to rub it againt him…hard!  poor thing had no idea what was going on, neither did I to be honest!   It was quite confusing!

Anyone know any goood repellant/bite treatments I’d love to hear from you…help me…Help me win my war!

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Filed under adventure, battle, funny, health, injury, insects, life, mosquito, philippines, war