My Journal Journey!

What is a journal? How personal do we make our entries? Do we write them with restriction in case it is ever found or specifically to be read by an outsider, or do we write our completely inner most thoughts unabashed, for our own eyes only? Do we use it to simply vent, or for record, are they for re-reading, assessing, future help or are they simply an outlet? Should we keep separate journals for separate parts of our lives? One for personal matters, feelings, thoughts and one for goals, accomplishments, wishes and wants? Are they a record of facts, experiences and advice or a mish mash of personal jibber jabber?

I think its safe to say a journal can be any number of things and can be incredibly insightful, eye opening, and rewarding to the creator and also sometimes to others, depending on the type.

Personally my journal is a very personal thing, only I see it and IF I ever chose to allow anyone else to read it, they will be a very special person to me indeed. My journal is kind of like my friend, my confident, but it doesn’t judge or give false information, it doesn’t give misguided advice or try to warp my mumblings into coherency…It simply accepts.

When I was young I used to write a diary, much like a journal but to me my diary was all about my crazy thoughts, my emotions and turmoil, my trials, releasing the tension…when I read them back they are a desperate expression of everything I couldn’t say, or even make sense of. But there was no development, I was using it as an outlet but nothing more.

Now things have changed, for me a journal is more about a journey than just expression. Its a way of expressing but also of recording, of making sense, planning, improving oneself and I have to say it has been monumental in helping me through what has turned out to be probably the worst year of my life to date.

It really helps me to process my thoughts and feelings, but I refuse to scribble page and pages of nonsensical words, as I sit down to write I find a quiet place and time, I think….I process the things I itch to record, put the ramblings in order and write relatively concisely and with real meaning. Sometimes, the things I wanted to write, the negative or mixed up feelings often find themselves resolved before pen hits paper. I might mention them in a single sentence to record the fact it was there, I felt it but I can deal with it.

I also use this writing time to make sure I am grateful. Every day I write ‘thankful for’ and aim to list 3 things I am grateful for that day, anything from my health, abilities, specific people, opportunities, experiences or sometimes even just for a TV show I am enjoying, or that wine which helped me relax and feel better. There have been one or two days in the last 6 months where I have been unable to complete this, on my lowest of the low yet even on these days, even writing the title, ‘thankful for’ I know there are things, I know that I am just having trouble pinpointing them at that moment in time, I know I write them every day and have many thing but my mindset is just clouding them.

There are another two sections I do every day to ensure I am looking forwards to positive things and to ensure I am chasing those things. I do ‘wishes/wants’ and ‘goals’. Under wishes and wants I write anything, this could be big things like getting a nice house, having a great relationship or winning the lottery or it could be smaller or more personal things like mental clarity, or happiness.
Under goals I choose things often relating to my wants. Most are small steps I can take towards what I want over the next day or so: start playing the lottery, do certain activities I enjoy to make sure I feel happier, put aside thinking time on specific topics or research them to gain clarity, reach out to a certain person, or give them space, remind myself what I need to do to help the situations go in my favour.

And every day I look back on the previous day to see what I accomplished. I don’t reprimand myself for anything not done, this isn’t a race, its not a competition, its not work. As long as I am moving in the right direction and bearing my goals, wants and things I’m thankful in mind, then I am winning.

I also use my journal for several other useful things.
Firstly for recording my training, so quick notes on workouts, weight, reps and how it felt, just writing it before I do the workout means I can’t just procrastinate and not do it…it is written in pen, it is recorded and so I must do it, I will NOT have to record my failure to do this, it is the one time I am strict with my journal content and entries.
Secondly I use the back of the book for notes, notes to help me. There are lists of my good and bad points, things to work on. I have a 3 year plan, and steps to achieve larger goals. There are some yoga routines, body-brushing information, workout plans, supplement information, notes of names and websites I may find useful and ideas to look into at later dates when I have time.

Overall this relatively small notebook is an incredibly valuable asset, helping me in a number of ways on a daily basis. I would highly recommend people giving it a go.
You don’t need to write the same types of things I do, make it personal, adapt it to help you be the most positive and productive person you can be, it is definitely worth spending 10 minutes a day doing!

Fighting the UK version of myself…

Since returning from travel, its like I’m a different person, all the changes I made to improve myself are slipping away again, I am regressing!

Whilst away travelling, I had no access to a TV, I had internet but only in specific areas and had interesting tasks so limited my time with them. When I did use the computer it was often for writing blogs, researching fitness techniques, networking or talking to loved ones.

Upon my return I find myself getting sucked into the TV, not even watching anything specific. Watching my dad flick through channels, watching mindless programs of people falling over, or tacky sitcoms. I find myself sat on the internet, watching videos of cats, following menial conversations, trawling facebooks pages and posts and I even find myself taking time out to talk to people I’m not even bothered about being friends with, feeling like I must talk and be polite because they live near me…Um…why?

Why spend time having conversations you don’t want t have with people who don’t interest you, people with whom you have nothing in common? Why sit in front of the box watching people you don’t know live lives that aren’t real, why follow pointless ‘entertainment’ on facebook??
Is this our culture? Is this what it means to be British? Is this our go to response, particularly to winter? Too batten down the hatches and waste time until Summer once again arrives, and by Summer I mean those 2 weeks or so a year when its not rainy or cold.

Whilst away I managed to eat better, workout more often and with better progress, I learned more, I improved myself and now I feel it slipping away! This is not who I am, this is not who I am going to be!

I guess I figured I was deep enough into this new me to be able to keep it up but I was wrong, I am struggling but have ideas. I refuse to give in to monotonous old Kirst and this is how:

Every time I turn on the computer, I endeavour to write a blog, this will often mean using my internet time more wisely to research a topic, it will mean engaging my brain every day!

Each time a conversation starts, I will not reply on auto pilot…I will make the decision with regards to the person, are they someone I value, someone I can help, or someone with whom conversation is actually desirable? If not, I won’t engage, I refuse to bow down to social convention where we must reply just because its good manners, I realize this is probably a very British thing, being polite, well mannered and doing what is expected, well not any more.

I am going to write goals in my daily journal, short and long-term and I am going to refer to them at the beginning of each day and ensure to plan my days with those goals in mind. These goals may be to do certain workouts, research workout, work or future options, to take time out to learn something new, practise my clubs, get creative, help my Dad with his renovating the games room or simply by taking out an hour to read, or meditate.

Which brings me to my next point. I WILL meditate every day!! Whether its 5 minutes or 30 minutes, I will use my goal system to ensure to introduce workouts back into each day, starting with my morning Tibetan rights EVERY DAY. Making sure to do proper workouts, yoga and mobility. Within the month I aim to be back to practising Tibetan rights every morning and getting back onto my 4 day workout schedule, days 1 and 2 hard weight training, day 3 yoga and day 4 mobility, each one with a meditation session at the end.

I will go back to making food plans, shop using lists from these plans and stick to them.  No more spontaneous eating as, when and what is there at the time.

Lastly I will start making decisions again, it is time to stop wasting time wondering what my future will hold and start making that future happen. Every day I will do at least one thing towards that, whether its researching into jobs abroad, visas, and booking trips, or taking time out to stop and really thing through options and make decision and more importantly to stick to that decision. That’s not to say I can;t change my mind if circumstances change, we must be adaptable after all but it means no second guessing, I must trust myself. I am almost 30 and very capable of knowing what is right for me if I just stop faffing and trust in myself.

So there we have it, I will no doubt blog progress and developments as I go, if anyone has any ways they ensure not to let life pass by, or has the same issues, you are welcome to share, maybe we can help each other?

Its time to turn off the TV and turn on life!!

Being home between adventures

So after being to absolutely terrified of coming home, I got off the plane and into my friends car, I watched the countryside stream past the windows, the rolling hills, the cottages and red brick houses, I felt the fresh coldness of the British winter and I felt peace.

I have spent the last few days taking it all in, I have watched the familiar scenery roll by, felt the biting, cool breeze and the slippery underfoot ice, I’ve listened to some of the well known UK accents and consumed some local food and teas, I have smelled the freshness of the Cornish sea breeze and I have felt relief and relaxed as I adjusted my body clock and am connecting once again with friends and family.

The thing is, now I have taken it all in, it feels like I never even left. It seems as if the last 7 months were just a dream and I never even left this life. Its quite disconcerting and has me getting wanderlust already. Today was my first day back at work, and I am incredibly grateful they heard I was returning and asked me to come back, but also its scary how easy it is to fit back in to the exact same life I had!

This is not the plan, not that I ever have a plan but this isn’t how I want life to go. I wanted change, I wanted to start a new life not jump back into the old one as soon as things get sticky. I know I need money urgently and whilst I’m doing nothing else it makes sense to do what is offered, and I am grateful, but I’m also scared I will lose my drive in the familiar monotony.

Already I have been online ordering stuff…stuff I don’t need, materialistic possessions! Its like as soon as I got back I feel the need to own things again, this isn’t who I have become and I think its going to take some very special efforts not to fall back to being my old self. I will not allow the last 7 months to be in vain. Every lesson I had to learn, all the heartaches and failures as well as the adventures and realizations, I faced a lot of situations and conquered them, I grew, I evolved and now…what am I doing??

I really need to get a plan and make some serious effort to remember my path. I am above monotony and settling, I don’t want contentment and security, I choose life and adventure, experience and growth! So I have forced myself to get away from the dreaded TV, get into my space, write a blog, do my first proper workout in just over a week and actively make effort to be the new Kirst.

My aim over the next week is to make my big decision as to the possible yoga course I would like to do, to book my trip to the course in Ireland I am doing and to make plans for after this. They may change but I need a basic idea, a get out free card from the prison that is regular life. I am not ready to settle just yet, Its not time for me to be here for long. I will also ensure to be back on track with my workouts, today’s was awful, get my diet completely in check and to get back to my blog as well as ensuring I make plans to actually do things whilst home, make sure I have some adventures even here, just because I am home for a time, doesn’t mean the adventuring has to stop!

I shall endevoour to make the most of Cornwall, my loved ones and having a home, a real place I can relax, at the same time makin sure I will be leaving it again soon.

5 Regrets From People On Their Deathbeds, Revealed By A Nurse

I had to share this, Its so true.  Too many of us go through life living as expected, by means we see as socially acceptable, performing rituals passed on through family, teachers, peers… but really the only person who has to live with your life is you.  You are the only person you need to answer to on your deathbed!   You must let go of these guidelines for life we feel we must abide by to be seen as a success and do the things that will fill our lives with positivity, experience and powerful emotions.   THIS is the true sucess of life, to live, love, laugh, do the things that add life to our years and memoories for our old age 😉

 

Whatever floats your boat, do it whilst your still seaworthy!

 

Your Alternative News Network. Broadcasting The Truth Since “2011” Alternative Health, Alternative News, Conspiracy, GMO, Fluoride

via 5 Regrets From People On Their Deathbeds, Revealed By A Nurse.

5 Tibetan Rights, the morning miracle cure for dowsiness!

Tired of waking up and staying tired well into your second or third cup of caffeine??  Well here is the answer, for me anyway this is a godsend!

Doing a small amount of activity before breakfast is great for really kickstartin the metabolism, and getting those hunger pangs growling ensuring your body is ready and able to take on the fuel you need to get through the morning, minus the groggy, drowsy head and caffiene induced hyperactivity and then slump!

I’m not talking a long run or strenuous workout as i really dont recommend this on an empty stomache and before your body is warmed up and prepared for the onslaught.  Your mind and body need fuel and time for a full blown workout but something light in the morning has been proven to help wake you up, reconnect the mind and body and put you in a much more positive mindset for the day.

Give it a go, its literally abou 6 minutes from start to finish, not long at all and it really will leave you feeling fresh and ready for the day!

The 5 Tibetan rights in particular is thought to help slow down the ageing process, increase personal power, and help with mobility, flexibility and both physical and mental strength!

Surya Namaskar AKA Sun Salutations…My yoga lifeline!

This little beauty has helped me out no end through my recent trials.  All this being alone, suddenly single on the other side of the world with nothing and nobody left me feeling lost to say the least.

Thanks to me new fitness regime, yoga and this flow in particular, i am now feeling strong and well physically AND mentally!

I use it to wake up some mornings, for warm ups to more intensive yoga static poses, cooldowns and stretching after a workout and just for any time of day i need a little zen time.   Its a nice, short flow so you can do as many or as little repetitions as you like, fitting it in perfectly wherever you need it most.  Executing a simple flow repetitively can really hel release the mind as your not trying to concentrate on remembering a large number of complex moves and the moves themselves really do seem to work the whole body.

Lose everything…Find yourself!

Finding yourself…I process often starting with the losing of everything else.

Ever tried to make some journey of self discovery whilst your content in your home surrounded by good people with a good job, money in the bank?? No??? Well me neither.
I’m not even sure its possible, after all why would you even consider your not just a perfect reflection of your perfect little life?

I’m sure some people are content, settle, find enough things to keep them oblivious to the other versions of themselves, the strengths and character traits left undiscovered, but I am not one of them.

There have been several times in my life when things have just seemingly fallen apart, I hopped on a downwards spiral and in retrospect, it needn’t have happened. None of these times were out of my control…I subconsciously made decisions leading to these tough times, why??

Well I am currently working through one such time and it has just hit me. I am not a settler. I enjoy being happy, I am optimistic, I appreciate what I have when I have something good but I am also a dreamer…I want life, and lots of it. I want to experience and to feel and to grow as much as possible and that’s just not possible when your content!

Don’t get me wrong I don’t sabotage perfectly good aspects of my life, only the dead weight aspects, the jobs I don’t like anyway but they provide SECURITY, the relationships in which I don’t prosper but they provide COMPANIONSHIP, the materialistic gains I convince myself i need to provide COMFORT and ACCOMPLISHMENT..These things are difficult to let go of, they are programmed into us as ants and needs from a very young age and we fight to hold on to them…

But…

if you manage to let go, if you manage to free yourself from these preconditioned wants and needs you may well find yourself on a journey of self discovery, a journey bestowing much more than security, but freedom and strength,
More than companionship but the confidence to be alone in your own skin, and also the experience of and power to converse with, connect with and essentially bond with a multitude of people, to really know them, to open yourself up and find people with whom you bond on a deep and meaningful level.
More than Comfort, but growth and expansion of you, mentally, physically and emotionally
and lastly more than accomplishment, you aquire, memories, experiences, new skills and a new mindset which creates more dreams, a brighter future and the knowledge that anything is possible, you have done this, you have come this far, nothing is out of reach…

Of course you just have to give up almost everything you hold dear, make that leap of faith and go for it. Fortunately for me, my subconscious ensures I do this, I only have to make the journey, not the decision to do so. But for many they are more inclined to listen to reason, stick to what is ‘right’ and ‘safe’ and so miss out on opportunities which really are what life is all about.

I’m not saying everyone should give up thee things they love and run away to the other side of the world like I have, but maybe take some time to consider, really listen to that inner voice, open yourself up and feel, are you truly happy with the person you have become, do you have the potential to be more, do you feel life is passing you by? If this is you, then I am writing this for you.

This is scary, you will cry ALOT you will doubt yourself, you will doubt everything you once believed in, there will be hard days and there will be good days but its worth it because this is life, and this is what will make us the most interesting people in the OAP home! 😉

Everyone needs a holiday, if only to get a little perspective on this thing we call life!

OK so my last post was quite some time ago, as you will see, my dears, I have been stuck I this crazy train of a life for a while and have been unable to gather thoughts of any sense.  I have been but a shadow of my self and am only now getting down to deciding who that shadow is again!
So August was my last entry, I was attempting to ‘win’ at this Philippine life, keep my head above water and, well, I lost!

After months, there was still no working visa, and no work even if it were to finally appear, The humidity and heat were making my boyfriend and I agitated, annoyed (ad annoying) and money issues were stressing the situation further, you can imagine we, naturally started adding relationship issues to the negativity that was our life!
We hadn’t managed to find places to go for peace, fun, interest…nothing! We were stuck, just the two of us and this big negative wedge!

In September we had a holiday to Vegas and upon leaving the Philippines, the feeling of a weight being lifted was immense! I immediately felt lighter, happier, and more like myself. As did the fella seemingly. We enjoyed our time and the whole thing really brought home how we can’t continue in this ‘life’ we had made. We agreed it was time to move on, brilliant!

That being said, we had slightly different paths, he wanted specific plans, I couldn’t afford, I wanted to go via the helpx route and we compromised, decided we were worth a shot at being together away from this place that had become a nightmare.

So I came to Australia, he to India and he was due to meet me here…Although time apart also gave us perspective on us. Although we care and had happy times ad could(and I believe will again one day) have more, we both needed to do some soul searching.
Sort out these issues we developed I ourselves but also with each other, we had bred the negativity so long the resentment and difficulties were too hard to ignore.

So sadly we have reduced our relationship. There is no label now but being free of that is good. This time should bring us back to being good people, versions of ourselves we like and are happy to be whilst getting to know each other again…new and improved versions and the who knows….

Maybe we will have experiences which will give us distance ad perspective enough to remember why we fell for each other and push us back together, I’d like to think so but, who knows, until we get that perspective from where we are now….
For now there has been a lot of change and revelations and just getting to grips with those is enough to be getting on with.

Time for some self discovery, I am after all doing this amazing thing called travel and doing it alone is both terrifying and exciting. One thing I know for sure is that I shall never be the same woman again!

So take that holiday, get that trip away booked, and take a moment to assess your life! Its so easy to get bogged down and trapped but you will ever be able to be truly happy unless you have been able to get a clear view….a bit of perspective and decide if your really living the life you want to.   Don’t live in the shadows, be sure to have life in your years, colour in your dreams and character to your person!

Do I even have an IQ?, Its moments like these I wonder how I’ve managed to keep myself alive all these years!

Typical Kirst moment driving home from work with the fella the other day.
Were sitting in the car, there’s traffic, I’m gazing around in my own little Kirst world and we come to a stop behind a car which has a sign on the back.

Now here, I decide to exclaim: Oh look that car says to wed, I wonder if its a wedding car, doesn’t look like one, there’s no decoration and its dirty…

At which point my boyfriend tells me its TOWED the car is being towed.

Oooooohhh! Ha ha ha, and I laughed and laughed all the way home!
I have a surprisingly high amount of these ‘golden’ moments 🙂

My epiphany…Linking Deet to my allergic reaction!

Finally I think I have discovered my issue. You may remember my recent blog about my allergy seemingly to the Philippines. Well after a bout of steroids which were fantastic for my skin, although bad for my moods, (man was I an aggressive cow for the week?? I’ve never wanted to actually stab my fella before, poor guy only moved a fan I wasn’t using, etc… Ha ha) I felt great, BUT I stopped taking them and the rash returned.

Granted my face, so far, had been left out of it, which is nice, but my extremities are covered in a lovely red, itchy blotchy number and boy is it angry! I’ve sat about all day thinking what it could be:

If it were washing powder it would be my tummy and areas my clothes touch plus its the same powder I’ve used since childhood

If it were food, my face should be bad again or at least my tummy, I have IBS and usually it will flare up if I eat something I shouldn’t but no..in fact I’ve been nicely regular these last few weeks, I feel quite healthy in that dept

If it were heat rash, surely it would be relieved a little when I am in a cold shower and worsened in the sun but nope

Then it struck me..the only thing I put on my arms and legs, it was literally sitting on the table staring at me the whole time…DEET! I’ve been using it quite excessively for weeks due to the fact I am very tasty and insects LOVE to eat me. I dare say I’ve been accumulating large amounts of it in my system and I have been using the max strength version too!

Oh how silly I feel, going through all this!

Still I shall dispose of the deet and probably need more steroids to clear the rash..as I said its literally back with vengence (probably due to the massive amounts of deet used over the last 2 days whilst I was out in the wilderness) but where do I go from there?

Malaria and Dengue Fever are very real risks out here and with deet out of the equation what can I do? Are there alternative repellents available here that work just as well? Does anybody know of any?

I don’t fancy choosing between a parasitic disease or having to literally scratch the skin off my body!